This weekend I had 2 very close friends recommend me 2 different movies:
Fantastic Beasts and where to find them, sold as a film I would overall enjoy but with plenty of ammunition for me to tear it apart.
Arrival, sold as just generally one of the best movies/sci fi movies of the year.
I then had someone pretty ask if I would go see Disney’s Moana with them, and here we are.
Alright, right off the bat, it’s a Disney princess movie, baby Moana is the cutest character they have ever put on screen, and I am currently re-listening to the soundtrack. It’s a good film, Disney is magic, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson brings magic to whatever he is a part of, and her animal sidekick is a chicken named Hei Hei who I personally believe was the chosen one all along. I don’t think the songs were as catchy as Frozen, but that’s due to a lack of a consistent chorus, not the actual quality of the song. Go watch it, it’s fun for all ages, it’s a Disney movie, you don’t need me to tell you that. You’re Welcome though (I’m gonna need you all to google “Moana – You’re Welcome” and listen to it as you read).
Plot:
Moana is the daughter of Chief… Background-authority-figure-who-doesn’t-want-her-to-go-on-an-adventure (family name I assume). She is Princess of her island, well daughter of the chief but as Maui points out “You will one day rule and you have a bird friend, you are a princess” (paraphrased). The film opens with baby Moana, easily the cutest thing in the movie and the last few Disney movies (going back to baby Groot) being chosen by the sea as the chosen one and given “The Heart”. The Heart is a shiny green stone of magic that restores life giving powers to an ancient being, and will drive away the darkness. Pretty standard Disney McGuffin, doesn’t actually do anything, it’s like one of those emergency stop tabs on treadmills, removing it is bad, and once you do it’s just a shiny souvenir, and they tell you not to come back to the gym. Maui did remove it a long time ago (he is a demi-god who is Dwayne Johnson). Moana is the chosen one who must find Maui, and take him to return the stone, thus calming the seas, restoring life, all that jazz.
Surprise! Her parents aren’t super supportive; they have a policy of never leaving the reef around their island (points for guessing if it’s rooted in a poorly executed childhood attempt of their own). She is to be the next chieftain; props for gender equality go to not-Hawaii, and take her father’s place taking care of the island. Would you believe there is a song that montages her upbringing and natural tendencies towards rebelling against her parents enforced plan for her life, with coy escape scenes as she tries to stay with the sea? There is. She also has a sidekick adorable pig, which she leaves on island when she goes on the adventure, so that was nice while it lasted. Sidekick 2 is Hei Hei; dipshit chicken extraordinaire, I love him. His whole thing is that he is dumb as rocks, and as silly as it is to see him just walk straight off the boat repeatedly, I laughed every time.
I guess that’s a bit of a spoiler, she does leave. She discovers her people’s ancient dark past: they liked boats and immigrated to the island, it was shocking. I mean, there is a stack of rocks that each chief adds to, so she could have just counted and figured out that they weren’t there forever… Anyway, they have ships that don’t get wrecked by the ocean storms, so she takes one after what was honestly a very emotional scene with her grandmother (which I won’t spoil), and off she goes to find Maui (who hasn’t been seen for 1000 years).
The Ocean is sassy and I like it.
Enter Maui, magic man with moving tattoos that are like the vases in Hercules, and is the Rock. He’s great, and his song “You’re Welcome” is the stand out song of the movie, and would be up there with “Let it Go” if he has just had a consistent chorus of some kind. That’s a personal pet peeve, I wanted to keep that song in my head, hell I wanted it as my own personal theme song, but he changed chorus slightly every time, so I will need to actively re-listen to get it stuck properly. He is reluctant to return the stone, and just wants to get off the island he has been stranded on; initially he just tries to steal her boat. They fight off some coconut monster pirates and are on their way.
They set off together with urgings from the ocean and first stop is to the Realm of Monsters to retrieve Maui’s magic fish hook, which logically gives him the power to shape-shift. There they face the second greatest song in the movie: “Shiny” (I hope you are googling these). Sang by who I choose to believe is Sebastian the Crab in an alternate timeline. I also imagine Jewel Staite everytime I hear the word “shiny” so that’s a big plus. They are successful, cause Disney.
Thus begins the montage of growing respect between the two of them, as Maui teaches Moana to sail properly, and they come to the final island, with the lava monster final boss, and the end of what I want to talk about without spoilers.
Hei Hei is the chosen one though, remember that.
But Here’s the Thing (spoilers abound):
Major props to Disney for doing what I believe is their first princess film without a romance plot, that’s huge. A little bit of a slam because I wanted it to happen, but still a big deal for just showing mutual respect at the end and an amicable parting of ways. Frozen made a big point in going ‘maybe you shouldn’t trust a guy who you’ve only known for a few days’, and this is one step further: ‘fuck it, you’re a strong independent woman and people had damn well better respect it’. She don’t need no man.
On the other hand, the Rock, his character craved acceptance and appreciation from the very race that cast him out in the first place, and while I appreciate that this was a huge portion of the fake-out, it would be nice to have him find someone who would do just that.
Hei Hei is the chosen one; he carries the heart at times, makes it through the whole ordeal, and is saved on several occasions by the ocean. I choose to believe Moana is just his caretaker.
The choosing bit was super clever, Moana forgoes choosing a shiny shell in order to help a baby turtle, left up on the beach by its mother (yes I know how turtles work but just roll with it). She shades and accompanies the scared and alone turtle, fighting off the big bird monsters, until she can return it to its rightful place in the world. Bam, that’s the movie. That’s why the ocean chose her, because she is the one who could shelter Maui back to his natural and preferred state, after all his time searching since being abandoned by his parents. Hei Hei was the chosen one for returning the stone, Moana was to fix Maui.
Okay and last note; the songs. I love the songs, the musical score was excellent, and the songs were fun, and very smart. But they were too smart, they wove and danced around, without having a clear enough single passage to be memorable. I would be most people leaving the theater can remember “You’re Welcome”, but I had trouble remembering the rest of the verse, or deciding which verse I was trying to remember, because they were all different. I want to sing Shiny in the shower and You’re Welcome where ever I can, but now I need to do the homework.
It’s a good film, but it’s a Disney movie with the Rock, you didn’t need me to tell you it would be good.
Comments