Happy Holidays Round 2 everyone, I'm sick, and I moved, and have generally been doing a lot of stuff. But on to the important stuff, I took my flight back a few days ago and got a whole other list of movies to talk about, including the new Tarzan, I have a lot to say on that mess. In order, I spend the time I should be sleeping watching:
Eye in the Sky:
Tense is the best word to describe this movie. We start up with Helen Mirren waking up next to Alan Rickman, a fact I appreciated later in the movie more so than the beginning. See the entire movie is basically a back and forth between Helen Mirren (a colonel in the British Army) and Alan Rickman (A General in the same army), and the fact that they are (presumably) married is never once brought up throughout any of their interactions at work.
The plot centers around a small village in Kenya where they have intelligence that high ranking members of a terrorist organization are planning to meet, along with two recruits they believe will be turned into suicide bombers. They find the targets, realise they are setting up suicide vests for an imminent attack, and request permission for a drone strike, only problem: there is a small girl selling bread in the blast radius (time has been spent on her in the film beforehand). Is killing one little girl worth it to stop two suicide bombers, whose projected kill-loads are 70-80 people each?
That’s it, that’s the entire movie, going up and down the chain of command, from the very pro Helen Mirren, to the far more cautious politicians who actually have to authorize it. 1 hour and 30 minutes of back and forth, attempts to move the girl out of the way, clear emotional strain on everyone involved.
Spoiler: They do it, the girl dies, its sad, tragedy for the people on the ground, but the people in their armchairs feel justified, parting shots from Rickman “Never tell a Soldier he doesn’t know the cost of war” to the very anti strike politician.
Tarzan:
I fell asleep part way through this movie, just a disclaimer, I think I groggily paused it before missing too much, but if I missed anything major then forgive me. I wasn’t particularly tired, and it was a day flight, I just couldn’t stay awake through the movie, I needed a nap.
Where to begin? If you are a movie producer and script labeled Tarzan comes across your desk, and about 30 pages in it mentions that Tarzan and Jane has a miscarriage, put down that script, shred it if you can. That is the clearest possible indicator that this movie is going to miss its target audience entirely. Not to mention that it is set in King Leopold’s Congo, which if anyone has read King Leopold’s Ghost (Adam Hochschild), was dark as fuck, like crimes against humanity dark. And all of that is in a Tarzan movie, as central theme points, that kids movie, or at best action movie.
Side characters include:
Margot Robbie as American Jane (my theory is that she cannot do any accents other than her own, so they just accommodate her).
Samuel L Jackson as black man angry about slavery (it is super unclear why he is there, or if he is in any official capacity, or just freelance slaver hunting).
Christopher Waltz as the bad guy being needlessly evil, but is actually rather in line with what the Belgians did +1 for evil historical accuracy.
Djimon Hounsou who continues to be too good to keep playing angry black tribal man (he is the guy from Gladiator and Guardians of the Galaxy), dude deserves his own movie.
And then Tarzan himself, who is King of the Jungle, and has stayed in remarkable shape despite being an English lord for the last god knows how many years. I laughed out loud at the flashback to where he meets Jane (not quite below as i couldn't find the screenshot, imagine the below with dreddlocks)
He looks like Loras Tyrell’s jungle lover.
Its dark, its ugly, it’s pretty nonsensical, its underlying theme is redemption of a couple from a miscarriage (they have a baby at the end, spoiler I guess), and that’s not okay for a Tarzan Movie.
The Other Guys:
Solid buddy cop movie, Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg play basically the same characters they always play and it works. Goofy Will Ferrell, shy and timid all the time, funny deadpan, and a gorgeous Eva Mendes as his wife. Mark Wahlberg basically plays his character from the Departed.
It’s a way better movie that it gives itself credit for, much smarter, and much more entertaining. It is really odd, because throughout the movie you can see that it thinks it’s a standard Will Ferrell vehicle, the slapstick is there, and the ridiculous humour, but as the movie proceeds it leaves all of that to Will Ferrell himself and just puts together a solid cop movie. Its always better to hinge the comedy on single comedic relief characters, and Will Ferrell is the Mushu of this movie, hilarious memorable, without tainting the rest of the film.
Zelda Twilight Princess Continued:
I beat it, I beat that damn game, the wiimote is a shitty controller, and the ice temple can suck a dick, but I beat it. Seriously, after the wind temple that game is slog, maybe I was just tired from playing 26 hours in 4 days, but god I just rushed everything, and when ganon didn’t die at first I was pissed.
Those credits were satisfying as fuck though. 9 years in the making, Twilight Princess conquered
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